We think we do this, yet in our consulting work we have heard countless stories of people neglecting these simple niceties. These words set the stage for a positive interaction, and show others that you notice they are human. Use them to greet co-workers upon arrival, to acknowledge patients and visitors, and when asking for or receiving assistance from anyone. Using these words takes no more time, but creates a much more pleasant environment!

Active listening involves not just listening to words, but listening for the meaning they have for the speaker. People can always tell when we are only half listening. Active listening communicates respect and can save us time because we really “get” the entire message, not just part of it. Although we take pride in being able to multitask, this blocks active listening. To listen actively, shut out other thoughts and pay attention to the speaker.

This technique is useful when you want to be sure you understood the other’s message, or when you want them to know you really listened. Use your own words, not the exact words of the other person, so they do not think you are mocking them.

Empathy is having an understanding of another’s feelings, as if you had walked in their shoes. When people have expressed an emotion in their conversation with us (anger, fear, frustration, joy, etc.) an empathetic statement mirrors their feelings. “I can tell how frustrated you are,” “How happy that must have made you!”… Expressing empathy, especially when a person is upset, is the best way to show you listened, and cared. It validates the speaker’s feelings, and builds rapport; so that you can go on to help them. In emotional situations with patients, colleagues, or even family members, always use empathy before you start to problem-solve.

Rarely do we accomplish anything entirely on our own in the workplace. Others appreciate being included in a success, and resent the person who seems to want to hog the credit. Using “we” statements shows respect and gratitude, and sets the stage for cooperation in the future.

“I am feeling hurt by what just happened” is more effective than saying “You hurt my feelings.” When confronting someone who has upset you, always lead with “I” statements. In conversations designed to change someone’s behavior or policies, never open with “everybody feels…” Referencing a vague “we” or “everybody” is likely to distract the listener, who then becomes more interested in who the “we’ is than in the issue.

We all know about nonverbals, but don’t always think about the impression we are making in an interaction. Some quick examples: sit down when talking with a patient, family member, or subordinate; avoid inching out the door while someone is talking to you; lean forward in your chair to show you are interested in what the other person is saying; avoid sighing, tsk-ing and eye-rolling to express your displeasure or boredom.

This is an obvious rule of etiquette that is often violated in conversations with patients, families and each other.

By remaining calm, you maintain control and avoid getting hooked by the other person’s behavior. Use active listening to better understand things from the speaker’s perspective. Express empathy. These two steps will often calm the other person enough that you can move on to problem-solving.

Often we get so busy at work that we focus on the tasks we must do, forgetting we are doing them for, with or to another person, not an object, a medical record number, or a job description. Human beings need to feel noticed and respected. By using the tips above, you validate them, and that leads to more pleasant and positive interactions.